Judgment day

I had a post on my other blog about a book I am reading ("The Rapture" by Tim Lahay) this book is incredible very detailed in what exactly what is going to happen in the end times, rapture, tribulation, and glorius appearing. Which is good because most of the time I am not a very detailed person. In one of the chapters the author is talking about the judgment seat of christ and how every christian is going to be judged for what they have done in/with there christian life (since savation). Well because there has to be time for millions of people to go through the judgment and marriage supper, it happens while the world is going through the 7 year tribulation period. All along I visioned that every one would be judged just as fast as we got raptured (in a twinkling of and eye) but oh no it is not this way. Since reading this book my vision goes more like this.
We are just chillin all of a sudden we get raptured which IS going to be in the twinkling of a eye then instead of being judged quickly. We will each have our own special little meeting with our heavenly father. I can see if now "Cassie pull up a chair lets review your book" then we will review everything....every good thing I have done since salvation, everything I have spent my time on, everytime I obeyed when I was spoken to EVERYTHING. I am not sure if this is exactly how it will go either but I know it's alot closer to the way I had it visioned before. I don't know about anyone else but it really makes me nervous. Even being a christian it makes me want to push through even harder, to die to myself a little bit more and to repent once again for all those sins that God has buried in the ocean as well as all the sins that we strugle with daily. To know that I will be face to face with our creator reveiwing my life gives me a healthy fear that I am glad to have.

A pillar

Right before and right after conference I found myself asking God what am I here for God? What is your purpose with me? I am always very moved to do something GREAT and BIG for you God but when it comes down to it. I never now what that great or big thing is that I should be doing for you then I just end up discouraged.
A while back I heard a sermon on being a pillar in the church and I really felt like God was speaking to my heart about it. I didn't exactly know what a pillar was, I new that it had something to do with the foundation of a building. And it didn't sound like it was a very BIG or Great thing to be for God.
I just looked up the meaning of pillar in the dictionary to my astonishment it means the support of a structure or monument of a structure.

Pil-lar: 1 A slender or vertical structure used as a support or monument; 2 A main support of something.

I'm shocked because when I was at conference the sermon that hit home was a sermon on monuments. And how every miracle God has done should be remembered as a monument. This is the stucture God wants me to have so that I can be a good pillar(a support for other people) in his church because without pillars the building will fall. So even though I am not musicly gifted, I am not a pastors wife nor does my husband have a calling to be a pastor I still have a wonderful spot in the kingdom of God. When I was not saved I had no spot anywhere no matter what degrees I had (only a beauty school one) or who I knew or how good I tried to be I still always felt like I had no place in the world. Now that I am saved and know the goodness of God I have a great place and am more than happy to have it.

What it's about

This is my blog about my open heart. Since going to conference I feel like I have been going through a major open heart surgery along with assaults on my mind and family. I don't know how this blog will actually turn out it may be short lived or I may only post every once and awhile or I may post everyday. I am just using it for a type of journal but I wanted to share it because one of the things I have been strugging with is trying to be perfect. (I'm not talking perfect like never messing up or not having any flaws i'm talking about the kind of perfection where I am always trying to measure up or be just like the people I admire) I want the people that view my life as always having it all together to see that... I don't have it all together... slowley I am learning that niether do the people I admire. I am learning that we are all imperfect. We all have to grow and we all have to call on God to help us. (and believe me the people that know me best and are closest to me know how much of a mess I am sometimes...only sometimes LOL) I hope I am not jumping around to much for anyone to understand what I am saying like I said this is a journal I am just trying to type what is in my heart. I want to say before I go on any more that this is not some kind of soul searching journey. I already know where I belong...you will not find a rainbow at the end of this page or find out I am some kind of secret lesbian. So with all this being said I will have to post my first open heart surgery post tomorrow. My kids are all awake now and I am not able to type when six precious little bodies are all demanding something from me. And please sign up as a follower so I know who and how many people are reading, this way I will know to keep my post public or private.